Curry.

I’m not overly-excited after arriving. But there are moments when you just can’t believe you are here. After so many hurdles.

Here you are.

For another marathon.

Filed under: Rant

Tis the season

Once a upon a time, this was all just a dream.

Now, it’s only a few hours away.

What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? 
And what if it is? What do I do then?
Rapunzel.

Filed under: Rant

The Differences Between Is And Was.

Sifting through old letters is almost like going on a time machine to the past. As if transported to a place you’ve seen in your dreams. Some looked familiar, recognized from your vivid dream. While the rest is just, well, unfamiliar.

It’s weird reading those old letters. People who used to mean so much to you, or at least you thought they were, are now practically strangers to you. Flipping page by page, only a few of those names looked familiar – those who made it to the present. Others, just disappeared.

It’s almost scary. Is that how life goes?

Because frankly, I like the people in my present, and would like them to be in my future too. Perhaps, add a few more if I’m lucky enough.

—

A trip to the past is just as scary as the future. Seeing what you’ve missed, and what you’ve gained along the way. And what stayed after all these while.

—

Emotions put on paper. Did I really feel that strongly back then?

It’s some sort of personal triumph reading back what you once wrote and knowing that you survived it all – intact.

It didn’t feel like going through a paper shredder anymore. You’re just content with whatever you have now. Perhaps even better.

—

It’s not only people you lost along the way. But feelings change as well. People who used to make or break your day, now matter in a different way.

While some, still manage to make your day effortlessly. But, that’s a story for another day.

—

Perhaps it’s just how thing goes. You gain some, you lose some. There are bound to be some casualties. To make way for something better.

It’s something that never truly sink in. To realize that, after all this while, things still go your way. Dreams and ambitions put to paper years ago, are now in sight.

Not a lot of people are lucky to have that.

Which made you wonder, would you have to give up something for this?

—

As I’m walking towards a new chapter, or aptly called the  future, I wonder what is in store for me.

So cheers to the future. Cheers to those who made it to the present. Cheers to those feelings and people who came and went.

There is always, ALWAYS, a reason why they didn’t make it to the present time.

And as for the future, only time will tell.

Filed under: Rant

To Ask Or Not To Ask, That Is The Question

To be honest, I’m not sure if I did the right thing. But what I do know is that, if I didn’t do it, I would regret it.

So, there was I. Staring blankly, beating around the bush, conjuring up words with the right connotation.

It’s pretty much a gamble. Either way it goes, it could go either way. Get it?

Now, let’s see what happens. If it’s any consolation, worst come to worst, it’s just gonna be for a year.

365 days.

Oh well.

—

I am not brave. Nor am I fearless. My mind is constantly running the possibilities of how things could go wrong.

I am merely living the only way I know how – by being out of my comfort zone.

—

Of course, it’s all done with. I made peace with it. But I never stopped wondering how my life would turn out had I have the guts to turn around, open my mouth and ask.

It is not fate. It was a choice. I clearly saw what was in front of me.

But oh well.

—

Of course, all this, is just an attempt to soothe my conscience.  Fasten your seat belt, because you’re in for a guilt-trip.

—

Now, let’s just hope they understand cakap berkias.

 

Filed under: Rant

The One With The Glass

Again and again, a reminder to self that the glass is always, ALWAYS half-full.

Perhaps a little lucky charm got me through it with a breeze, sort of.

Don’t forsake on me now. There’s still a long way to go.

Really, what have I done to deserve all this?

—

Time will tell, the blessing in disguise.

Filed under: Rant

Of Greens, Cufflinks and Teluk Belanga.

What started out with much angst and uncertainties, ended so beautifully last Saturday.
Walking into the hall in full robes seeing all those faces, just made you thank God you stuck out and pushed yourself til the very end.
Because, boy! It was worth every millisecond of it.

And that was it. A half-a-day, grand closure to a two-year journey.

—

As one chapter ended, another one will unfold.

It’s getting closer by the day. Too good to be true, even.

It’s surreal preparing for a new world, you sometimes wonder what have you done to deserve all this.

20 years and my life has turned out pretty much as I wanted it to be. And I’m thankful, grateful for that.

This, all THIS is by His grace and mercy.

—

We’ll see what lies ahead for me.

—

Some other day, some other time, perhaps.

Somebody poked my Achilles heel. That was unexpected.

Oh my Achilles heel.

Filed under: Rant

It’s One Or The Other

At the sound of a gunshot, one with a reflex action would probably duck.

—

It wasn’t exactly a blank shot. I dodged a bullet. I honestly think I did.

—

It’s like coming back from war. Not everyone comes back intact, sadly. Hopefully, a little prayer goes a long way.

 

Filed under: Rant

Wake Me Up When September Ends

The game of chance.

At the end of it all, you were left with two – a single round or a blank shot.

As if on cue, you had your whole life flashed in front of you.

The cylinder spinning – sealing your fate.
Your palms are sweaty.

You’re trying to catch your breath, all the while standing still.

The revolver staring at you in the face.

Your body is numbed – legs in gridlock.

You blink – hoping this is just a dream.

A finger on the trigger.

The countdown begins.

“10, 9,”

Left door – a crash cart on standby.

“8, 7″

Right door – to run for your life, unscathed.

“6, 5″

You shut your eyes tight – praying hard.

“4, 3″

He won’t forsake you – whichever doors you end up on.

“2″

You hang your head low – ready to meet your fate.

“1″

You look up – you want to stare at your fate in the eyes.

The trigger is pulled.

“Bamm!”

A live round or a blank shot?

Filed under: Rant

7 Stages of Grief

And then, after it all has been done and dusted, you realize that you’re not in this alone.

Optimism can only take you so far.

—

I’m serious about my bargain.

Filed under: Rant

Of Federer, Suns and the Endocrine Gland

God, this is not funny anymore. Are you trying to teach me a lesson here?
Of thinking twice before simply saying things.
Of using a heavier connotation to oversimplify a superficial feeling.
Of having lies to cover up a secret.

—-

I sometimes wonder, if it’s so right, then why do I try so hard from ever letting anyone knows about it?

—

After much consideration, I realize that my goal-driven self works better as a pituitary gland in a relationship.
One where I act as the hypothalamus usually faltered and crumbled.

—

There’s just something in it – in wanting the unattainable.

Filed under: Rant